I take this as affirmation that I’m on the right track. I know the unanswered questions and concerns of my puzzle pieced existence will fall into place at their own determinate time. I focus on separating myself from these thoughts, and act as their passive observer. Meditative practice reminds me, I am not my thoughts, I am the creator of my thoughts. This separation and distinction offers me a breath of comfort as I barrel forward at a speed I can only describe as too fast and too slow all at the same time.

Focusing on being the observer, I watch this movie reel of my thoughts play through. A paradoxical catharsis of my autonomy is now glaringly apparent. I say it’s a paradox because in recent experiences, I’ve found myself so genuinely invested in my encounters and surroundings. The connectivity has such pull and takes many forms, like the electricity in a kiss- the reunion with a friend -the draw to a city- a compulsory chance encounter. It’s  through living moments like these, watching them pass, and sometimes reconnecting again I realize I am truly autonomous…charting my own course.

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who’ll decide where to go…” – Dr. Seuss

Being so moved by my encounter, I discussed my chemical reaction with the family with Allison over some veggie momo and a hookah on the roof deck of a nearby cafe. The day continued on with numerous magnificent encounters only to be punctuated with a “chance” encounter with THE FAMILY in Durbar Square.

What are the chances?
How do these soul circles of serendipitous encounters work?
Why?

Many people ask philosophical questions about the meaning of it all. LIFE. I am less concerned with the blanket statement and more interested in the beauty of these re-connections.

Some people on just one brief encounter can impact you so deeply it can flip your world in a matter of seconds. Your certainties unravel. What is that chemical/spiritual electricity that gathers up souls and funnels them into that perfect spot and just the right time? How far and at what risks are we willing to go to play out each serendipitous story. I’ve found myself willing to jump down the rabbit hole to see just how far it goes, these days. It’s gotten me this far, eh?

The packing process was a surprise. I’ve managed to stay within my boundaries of what I considered minimalist enough: everything I own, fits in my car. With enough room for Allison and my mother’s antique globe in the front seat, it was off to San Francisco for me. Driving away from my love of almost two years was heartbreaking, but not at that exact moment. It was the weeks and days leading up to my departure, where I felt like no matter how hard I clenched the sand of time in my fist, it drained faster then I could bare. But in that moment of soulful embrace, we saw the possibility in each other’s journey and I went numb. The kind of numbness you don’t know if you’re forcing it on yourself to hold it together, or if it makes birth somewhere deep inside you. To say I love you and really mean it, took on a whole new meaning to me with our connection. We walked away with an honest love in our hearts, a commitment between our souls and a bit of uncertainty about the next chapter of our story.

The drive was invigorating. Back on the road with my tried and true traveling partner. Allison and I have a dynamic that I’d challenge any pair to out do. When people first meet us, they see us as “The Allison and Marissa Show”. We are often wrongly labeled as two of kind, when in actuality; it’s our range in spectrum that makes us strong. We operate on an effective system of checks and balances, and though we may sway from one side to another, our middle ground is magic.

Upon our arrival in SF, I felt renewed, yet at home. I was excited to reunite with my gang of merry pranksters for San Francisco’s Burning Man Decompression party mayhem. I thought I was untouchably high on the rush of the kinetic life. Little did I know I was in for a very abrupt detour in my plans. Thailand, my destination, just 3 days away, was underwater. The worst monsoon season in over 50 years has devastated the region with hundreds dead and missing. Many may think I’m crazy for this, but I was determined to ignore this completely until the after a day or two of festivities.

After my friends from out of town had all left, the playa-fied burners finally called it and I had gotten a sufficient mimosa buzz on at my 2pm brunch at boogaloos, it was time to do some research and handle accordingly. Upon pulling up my itinerary, a rush of adrenaline surges through my body when I realize, IM SCHEDULED TO GET ON A PLANE AT 1 AM TONIGHT, NOT TOMORROW, as I had originally thought. Action had to be taken resulting in my 3-day trip to SF  turning into 3 weeks.

I had mixed emotions about the whole thing. I felt horrible about the lives being affected in Thailand. Was I selfish for not still going and turning it into relief work? I felt lucky to have an extra three weeks in the city I plan to return to when I’m home from travel. And then I realized my budget would be entirely insufficient scaling from Southeast Asia to San Fran Fucking Cisco. It was time to get resourceful, and with in days Allison and I had concocted a plan to fund our expenses in a tag team effort.

My time in San Francisco thus far, has been utterly amazing. The generosity of my selfless friends is an inspiration to continue on this karmic journey with an open heart and mind. I’ve rerouted my travel plans to leave November 1 with Allison for a trekking trip in Nepal. I’ve fully accepted the change in plans and in doing so; have recruited another amazing character to join us on our trip. I’ve found a mindset match here as well. The dynamic of lifestyles here is so vast, I’ve managed to take a piece from all persuasions and form it into a positive lens to view the decisions I make and the experiences I stumble into. My life IS CONSTANT FLUX, and you can’t use the same formula every day. I’ve come to terms with that. I’ve learned to sit back and take it in, while also actively pursuing what I want out of life. I trust in the cosmic connections I’ve made. I plan to explore their possibility to the fullest extent and never settle for stale air.

I asked her what she planned to do with her life & she said she was way beyond that point already. I’m just happy I remember to be there when it happens, she said.”
― Brian Andreas

But how often does one take time to notice
the progression between blossom, bloom and wilt?
The subtle changes in spectrum between life and death.

Much like the changes in our lives,
we take notice only when we reach a breaking point.

Perhaps not as finite as life is to death;
but rarely does one take notice
of their own personal synthesis.

If we could just pay attention to the hints along the way
we’d understand how we got from A to B, and everywhere in between.

A beautiful display of synergistic move makers at their finest. The Burn proved to be the ideal platform for cultivating new ideas, kind hearts and serendipitous full-circle encounters. Participants really seemed to take action in a positive way, in order to make The Burn what they wanted it to be. The principals of the event include active participation, radical self-reliance, creativity, respect and experience. The Burning Man experience is so different from anything else I’ve participated in before because of the respect these principals are given by attendees. The Burn is a transformative experience that instills these core principals in the souls of everyone involved, offering them the impeccable climate to experience and practice them. Participating within this culture enriches your opportunity to take these ideologies with you in your everyday life, completing a true metamorphosis, if you’re open to it.